So, we hired a sweet gal to come a couple days a week for 3 hours. She takes care of the kiddos, and I'm able to get things done. Before this, I literally was pouring sweat by the time Jason gets home. I am doing about 5-6 loads of laundry a day, changing diapers, and feeding and playing...All. Day. Long. It is amazing. Don't get me wrong. Being able to stay home and take care of my kids is a blessing. But when I can't remember if I'd gone to the bathroom all day, or showered, or brushed my teeth, and I'm so exhausted after getting the kiddos down and doing the clean-up-the-house-load-the-dishwasher before I go to bed routine, I collapse into bed. And I barely mumble "Good night" to Jason. It truly is exhausting. So I finally decided to stop trying to be Supermom and ask for help.
This was my first week. It was awesome! I simply made a list and worked as hard as I could for 3 straight hours both days. It's so hard to even clean when your 6 month old is crying and wants to be held. So after weeks of putting off cleaning the bathroom, I was disgusted. The icky bathrooms and ground in Goldfish crackers and sand in the carpet put me over the edge. I needed something to change. I also could barely vacuum b/c Mary would scream of fright and Sam would chase me around and trip on the cords. So Tuesday, I vacuumed, scrubbed the restrooms, caught up on the laundry, made beds, showered (if you're a mommy you know how much you consider showers a luxury), made 2 batches of baby food, and made supper for that evening plus an extra batch to pop in the freezer.
Today, Thursday, I walked to Scooters, a nearby coffeehouse. I actually felt a little jealous (weird, I know) to walk by the park and see my little guy playing w/ someone rather than me. And my sweet baby in her stroller w/o me pushing it. But I also couldn't remember the last time I'd taken a walk by myself, gone to a coffeehouse, and had a chance to journal, pray, and get into the Word. It was so encouraging! Then I came home, did my daily PT exercises (which are a chore to try and get done too), and showered. I made the bed. Jenn unloaded the d/w for me. (Heaven!) I started laundry and made banana bread to take to a new neighbor. I cleaned out the science projects in our fridge and took the trash out. Jenn made Sam lunch while this was going on. Mary slept most of the morning. By the time Jenn left, I felt so relaxed. Mary was still sleeping, so Sam and I played in the sandbox, raced in the backyard, and blew bubbles on the deck. We read a stack of books together. I didn't once think about a "to-do" list I needed to plow through...I simply thought of how most of it's done for a few days, so I was simply going to play and snuggle my kiddos.
Why hadn't I thought of this sooner?!? Being a stay-at-home-mom is isolating in and of itself. Trying to "do life" on your own is difficult. I feel like we often are like ducks, calm and cool on the surface, and paddling like crazy underneath, trying to stay afloat. I don't want to just be "staying afloat." I want to have continuous, uninterrupted play-time w/ my kiddos. I want to have clean clothes for them at hand. I want a picked-up kitchen so I can grab snacks and meals on the go for them. I want a purposeful life as a woman. Not just "getting by."
So, in the beginning, I thought people would prejudge me and ask, "Why is she getting a helper? She's home full time!" Well, as you read before, I felt like I was drowning. The trash cans were overflowing w/ dirty diapers, the laundry chute was packed full, dirty dishes everywhere, and 2 kids under 2 were demanding my attention. I'd be making a bottle and/or changing a diaper w/ one hand, and cutting a sandwich and pouring milk in a sippy cup w/ another. I literally eat most meals feeding Mary a bottle, helping Sam cut/eat his food, and awkwardly eat my own meal. I finally realized I couldn't do this all on my own. For my sanity and for me to be a good, loving, patient Mommy, I had to ask for help. And I'm so glad I did!
Many people say, "We can't afford it." Well, we had to make cuts in our budget for this. Not as much going out to eat and splurges here and there. That's fine. It's helping us where we are now. So now my house is picked up, my babies are happily sleeping, and I'm sitting here blogging. This is a slice of heaven, and I haven't felt this relaxed in months. Thank you Lord for providing help when I needed it!
2 comments:
AMEN! Good for you for prioritizing your family's needs over any societal idea of what it "should" be like.
Vernon has always talked about getting a part-time nanny like that for me and I have always felt guilty like you said having someone else watch my kids while I did some of my own things, but after reading that you said you wish you would have done it sooner, I am rethinking the idea. It sounds WONDERFUL!!!! Now I just need to find the right gal to come in! Thank you for the inspriation.
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