To Induce or Not to Induce...

Well, here I am. It's late Wednesday night and this baby is due Friday. I cannot believe it! Many people think, "Why don't you just get induced?" Well...there are a few reasons why not. And who knows...I'll probably end up having to be induced anyway. Here's my thought process, though:

-RESEARCH. From all of the research I've done on reasons for postpartum hemorrhage, one of the reasons is induction. That makes sense to me. If the baby wasn't ready to come naturally on his/her own, of course the placenta wouldn't come out fully intact. Thus a hemorrhage. I know that many women are induced and don't have this problem, but since this was MY problem last time, I want to be somewhat proactive in possibly preventing that again.

-I'm TIRED! As I look back on the last month or two, I realize how stressful it's been. We decided to completely renovate our fireplace on our own. Jason's weekends were completely consumed w/ this, so I really didn't get much of a "break" at all on the weekends like I usually do (shopping, gym, naps, etc.) I had to be "on" for Sam 24/7. Even after the fireplace was done, I still had extra cleaning to do. I literally dusted the blinds one-by-one for 2 hours the other night until midnight. They were black from the demo of the fireplace, sanding, etc. They desperately needed to be cleaned, and I couldn't have done that while Sam was awake. So lots of "putting the house back together/cleaning" AFTER the fireplace was done. I also painted the end shelves on my own (w/ a little help from Mom who primed)...which took time. But the white looks better. :)

We also had our interior of the house painted. So lots of pictures still down, etc. The walls were also gross from the demo, so had to clean the newly painted walls, hang pictures back up, etc.

Decorating for Christmas. Who wants to deal w/ that on no sleep and a newborn and an 18-month-old? Not me! So I was up late last night doing that.

Moving Sam's room, creating a space for new baby, going through closets, organizing clothes, etc. This was all normal-baby-prep, but with all of the above on top of those to-do's, I now realize how stressful the last two months have been. Throw in a little stomach flu and a double infection for Sam, and many of us were on no sleep and going non-stop.

So people ask, "Why not just get induced?" Well...honestly, I could use just one more weekend to REST. Nap. Do nothing. I'm just exhausted, and I know that the mix of labor, delivery, a newborn, nursing, no sleep, and a toddler, will be beyond exhausting, so I want to at least go INTO this situation rested. I want to enjoy this little girl, and not feel so exhausted and overwhelmed that I can't see straight. Does that make sense?

-LAST TIME. Last time, I know I struggled quite a bit physically and emotionally after Sam was born. And frankly, I'm not too excited about that part again. I remember trying to nurse, not having any milk b/c of a reduction, having to pump between every feeding, Sam being colicky, me crying non-stop b/c I was exhausted and overwhelmed and felt like I had NO idea what I was doing, and then being on and off bed rest b/c of blood loss after I was home, and eventually hemorrhaging 11 days after I was home and having to have an emergency D&C. All of that was SO much for me to handle, that I'm not too excited about dealing w/ it all again. I want desperately to meet this little girl and just snuggle her like crazy, but I'm also tentative of the "aftermath." How will I react emotionally and physically? Hopefully better this time around. I think w/ Sam I had a lot of anxiety b/c I really didn't "know" babies. I literally felt clueless. Now I kinda know the system, and how and where to do things best in the house (diaper changes, cleaning the pump/bottles, etc.). Not that there won't be a learning curve w/ this little one, but at least I'm not going in blind. :)

-SAM. There's something about this boy. I love him dearly. We haven't left the house for 2 days. Yesterday it was snowing and I wasn't too excited about braving the elements, plus I was playing phone tag w/ my OB. Then today I found I had a flat tire, so we were stuck here again. But that's okay. It was such a blessing to know that it was him and me. Period. Buddies. We watched our morning cartoons, played a ton, I played Christmas music on the piano and he danced, he says "Baby" and kissed my belly. We watched the snow, wrestled, laughed. I just know after the baby is here, our time will be different. Not worse, but just different. I'll have to learn to "share" my time between the kiddos, and I know initially Baby will be held and nursed so much that Sam may not get as much attention. I know Jason will have to take on a bigger part of helping out w/ Sam than usual, which I'm a little jealous about...Sam's my baby. I don't want to let him go! (Wow that sounded selfish.) Anyway, I'm grieving this time a little bit...b/c Sam turned 18 months today. I gave him his bath tonight and put him in 3T jammies (yes, 3T.) He looked like SUCH a big boy. I told him it was time for "night-night" and he RACES to get "Ye-yow" (his yellow pacifier), "O" (his orange blankie), and his teddy bear. He jumped onto my lap to see if we could see our neighbor's Christmas lights out the window, the stars, and the moon. He snuggled in for our bedtime routine of a story, pointed to the CD player for me to turn it on, then pointed to the crib for me to tuck him in. It's almost like he doesn't even need me for the bedtime routine! He's got it down! :) So I'm enjoying these last moments of just our family of three. :( Although I'm elated to expand it to a family of 4. :) The other day, Jason asked, "Do you remember what life was like before Sam?" I said, "No, not really." He said, "Me neither." I wonder if that's how it is w/ each child?

SO that's where I'm at. I'm only dilated to ONE. I wasn't dilated at all the previous appointments. Her head still hasn't settled into my pelvis. My dr. says that 75% of women who were induced on their first baby will go on their own the second time around, and she'll let me go as late as the 9th...so I really don't know. I also wouldn't mind going earlier than later b/c then I won't be planning birthday parties around Christmas. :) I also have to weigh who will be able to watch Sam when while I'm in the hospital. Who would've thought people's work schedules could determine a child's birthday? :)

So lots and lots and lots to think about and pray about this weekend. Maybe she'll decide to come on her own. Maybe not. Fortunately, I know God is in control. I just plan on taking lots of naps in the next few days. :) I'll keep you posted! Good night!