Okay...I am 37 weeks pregnant as of Friday. And for some reason, I feel like people have forgotten. I know that sounds like a pity party...but since I know not many people are reading this, I'm going to write what's on my heart anyway. :) A couple of people who are really close to me have actually said, "Oh! I always forget that you're pregnant until I see you." :( Bummer. I guess I'm learning w/ the first pregnancy everyone is overjoyed, you get lots and lots of attention, etc.etc.etc. Maybe it's b/c now I'm a SAHM and a little out of the loop now? I guess at work I saw so many people every day, and now it's Bible studies, church, MOPS, the gym, piano lessons/tutoring and once in awhile family stuff. More communities but less "quantity" time. I also know people are busier. The job market is hard, people are stressed out w/ work and working overtime or more than one job...they don't have time to sit and daydream about the new little baby one day like I do. Plus since I JUST had a baby 18 months ago, I feel bad even accepting gifts, etc., when there was so much celebration and hoop-la just last year. Anyway, I guess I'm struggling a little bit w/ loneliness and a "does-anyone-care-or-notice-that-I'm-having-another-baby?!?" feeling. But I'm 95% positive that other moms have felt this way w/ baby #2, 3,etc... I guess I just feel kinda bad for how nonchalant I've been w/ other friends' and families' subsequent pregnancies. So here's my blog apology to you ladies! I'm so sorry!
I'm also battling a little bit of insecurity w/ having an 18-month-old and a newborn. Logistically, if I have a low milk supply, how am I supposed to pump between every feeding w/ my sweet little toddler around? How will I ever nap while my toddler naps if baby is screaming? What will dinner times look like? Will I possibly be able to keep my little toddler on his much-needed schedule/routine? And just an overall...can I REALLY do this on my own? I know many other gals who have family that has a handful of days off throughout the week to take care of the kiddos so they can run errands, have some time to themselves, etc...I guess I just don't have that luxury. Don't get me wrong...I am BEYOND thankful for having both sides of family in town. And YES our families help out a TON where needed. But I don't have that "g0-have-a-couple-hours-to-yourself" thing going on. I guess I'd almost feel guilty if I did. Which is really really dumb, actually. Sometimes I think about hiring a Mommy's Helper for a couple of mornings a week, or around dinnertime...but then I get that obsessive complex about they won't do it as well as me, or they don't have that irrational love for their children like I do, or I only know the "right way" of doing things around this house and for my children (major control issues here!!!). Plus, do we really have extra money to pay someone to do stuff that I'm home to do anyway? I just don't want my staying-home to turn into "surviving" instead of spending time with and nurturing our children.
So there. There's my vent. And I really really don't think many people are reading this, so I just blah'ed on everyone. :) And for the ladies who may have read this...you know who you are...I really have no qualms about you reading this, b/c I know you know "me" well enough to understand my irrationality. :) Thank you so much for your understanding! :) I guess we can all agree this is a hormone-induced-dramatic-venting page. :)
7 comments:
Leigh, I just want you to know that I DO read and cherish your thoughts as you choose to share them! I'm excited to see the first pics of your precious little girl and wish I was there to bring you a meal as you focus on her and your Sammy during their first week as brother and sister. Oh, and you are go ahead and vent as much as you'd like!
I read it too! I love blogs and wish I could do them. You will do great with two little ones and you are not forgotten. Remember that many people love you and think of you often! It is ok to have a pity party every now and then. Enjoy the rest of your time as your baby girl will be here before you know it!
Yep, I'm still a regular too :) Well girly, I haven't forgotten that you're prego, but yes, I understand what you mean about post-1st-baby pregnancies getting overlooked. Not from experience personally obviously, but personally in that I know I downplay OTHER people's consecutive pregnancies. I don't know why?!?! And I wish I didn't!!! Because I know when I have a 2nd baby, it will not be any less important than the first one. I guess it's just because there's another little person that people are already focusing on, so it splits that attention. But it doesn't change the fact that the prego mommy is still prego!, and carrying that new growing precious little baby! AND....I'm totally sympathizing with your fears about adding a new little person to the mix with your toddler. And when it gets hard (because it's already hard!!), DON'T guilt yourself into thinking you can't ask for help "because that you're a sahm". I had WAY more guilt over that stuff when I was home all the time during the summer b/c I THOUGHT I should then be able to get everything done, but not so. Honestly, for me it was harder. Um....children....24/7 exhausting, albeit rewarding, job!
I will be praying for you girly. I know it will be challenging, but I also know it's going to be incredibly rewarding, and you will once again feel your heart exploding and overflowing with more love for TWO little people than you ever thought you could possess! You're a wonderful mom & wife. I cannot WAIT to hear the news of the arrival of little girl Dunn. Enjoy these next few weeks with Sammy, and I'll be praying all goes smoothly with delivery AND recovery!!! Love ya girl!!
Leigh,
It is my first visit to your blog, but I can relate to what you are describing. On my 21st birthday (approx. one thousand years ago) I was washing windows, 8 months pregnant with my second child. Felt like the world was ending. Your blog is fun and you sound pretty fiesty for someone who is 37 weeks. hang in there. God bless you - Marsha Y.
Thank you ladies for your encouragement. I reread what I had written and realized how dramatic I sounded. Really? I have a husband who loves me, a healthy toddler, and a healthy pregnancy at 38 weeks. God is good and I have SO much to be thankful for. :)
Yep, me too a regular subscriber and follower! I just wish you blogged more. I love what you have to say. It's exactly what I am feeling and thinking, but you actually write about it!!!
I found that so funny about the second pregnancy. I am 26 weeks along and I forget I am pregnant 80% of the time!!! : ) Woops! Sorry little guy! Not to mention the fact that I didn't even know I was prego until I was 4 1/2 months along. It is scary to have another and wonder how you are going to do it all, but what is great is that when they are first born they sleep A LOT and that gives you time to get into a groove with more than one so it's not too overwhelming. You will be great. Just take one day at a time and you will see what works best for you. You are creative and patient and roll with the punches. Can't wait to see what she looks like!
Oh gosh . . . I need to send you a message about this.
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