Sick Baby

There's one thing I hate more than being sick: my baby being sick. I hate hate hate it. This week he was getting a little more fussy than usual, and his eye was getting weepy. Yesterday afternoon we had Jason's family over for a belated Christmas. While everyone was eating, I was giving Sam his bottle and noticed his head felt extremely warm against my chest. I took his temperature, and sure enough: 102.6. Grrr...I called the phone nurse and she called in anti-biotic drops for his eye. Then today his cold/congestion worsened...his nose is pouring snot and tons of saliva just falls out of his mouth. He has less of an appetite. He usually has 4-5 eight-ounce bottles a day w/ some solid foods, but we're only doing 6-ounce bottles which he's struggling to finish because it's hard to eat because he can't breathe through his nose. At least he's still having wet diapers. Tonight his temp is down to 101.3...and rectally you subtract .9, so really it's 100.4. Still, he's very uncomfortable and can't sleep. Last night I was up till 2 AM or so with him...he simply couldn't sleep. We tried a lukewarm bath, sleeping in his car set propped up, sleeping on me while I sat up, walks around the house looking at the Christmas tree, reading books, etc.etc.etc. Poor baby. I just stare at the clock waiting for four hours to be up so I can take his temp and give him more Tylenol.

When I deal with this, I am sad. I often blame myself...if only I could breastfeed, he'd have the antibodies to fight this, or maybe I shouldn't have taken him out and about too much this week...did I wear him out? I even have had some anxiety dealing w/ this. I feel like I have no control.

Lately I've felt distant from God, and I've been praying for ways to get closer to Him...to increase my faith. Well, I guess this is it. I know it could be MUCH worse, and it's probably just a cold virus and I'm overreacting, but when you've wanted a baby so bad for so many years and your one and only is so ill he can barely breathe to eat or sleep, it creates some fear and concern. SO this has been my prayer throughout the day:

DO NOT BE ANXIOUS ABOUT ANYTHING, BUT WITH THANKSGIVING, PRESENT YOUR REQUESTS TO GOD, AND THE PEACE OF GOD WHICH TRANSCENDS ALL UNDERSTANDING WILL GUARD YOUR HEAR & YOUR MIND IN CHRIST JESUS.

Phillipians 4:6

PS- Jason has been AMAZING through this. He took care of Sam from 2-7AM and had him sleep on his chest. Sam would get restless, but Jason just has a way with him that soothes him. He has helped SO much today with diapers, taking temps, soothing Sam, running to the store, getting dinner, etc.etc.etc. I am so very thankful for my husband!!!! He also took Monday off for a long holiday weekend. I really like someone HERE when Sam is this sick, so it has been a comfort to have Jason here and it's been great to see us have to work together to take turns sleeping and taking care of Sam.

Thank you God for Jason and for Sam. I am so very blessed!!! Please heal my little baby soon!