Week 22

Here I am, "in" my 22nd week. I guess pregnancy is still sinking in. After battling infertility for so long, and having peace that my body just simply may NOT be able to carry a baby, here I am. Pregnant. And getting big as a house. 

Weight has always been an issue for me for as long as I can remember. About 6 years ago, I had ballooned up to 225 pounds. I knew I didn't want to live that way anymore. I also had changed some other lifestyle habits, including drinking. I returned to the Lord and renewed my relationship with Him. Two years later, I was a size 6 and 145 pounds. People often asked, "What was your secret?" Yes, I exercised and ate sensibly, but I had chosen to stop eating because of emotional reasons. I only ate when I was hungry. Go figure. So in a word, GOD. God changed me. HE gave me the power to put down the fork and read His Word instead.

And now I'm watching the scale increase! I don't really care...we've wanted a baby for so long, I know weight gain comes with the territory. In fact, when I hear pregnant gals say, "I'm so fat!" I want to scream, "Do you know how many women would kill to be pregnant?!" I sat with many of them in the waiting room of the fertility clinic for months, waiting for more blood draws, ultra sounds, and shots, NOT covered by insurance. So don't get me wrong...I'm not complaining about the weight gain. It's just a shock to be large and in charge again. 

But I love this belly. My students sometimes rub it, which surprisingly doesn't bother me. It's the adults rubbing my tummy that makes me feel a bit awkward. 

SO....an update. It's a boy. A boy! I've been praying for years for a son, and this is it! I also felt him kick for the first time last week. It was amazing. Something I thought I'd never experience. In fact, he's kicking right now as I write this. What a blessing. I often think of Elizabeth meeting Mary, and John leaping in her womb at the excitement at the coming of Jesus. 

I've entitled this blog CHOOSING JOY because for years, even though I was grieving at failed fertility treatments, I wanted to choose JOY. Regardless of our circumstances, I know that God is good. He is sovereign. And even if it seems my world is crashing around me, I know that He is working for the good in me. He has always given me peace, even as I'd weep and weep and weep for a child, sometimes alone, sometimes with Jason holding me. I still knew He had a plan for our lives. And He does. He does for you too!